The Unprosecuted Murder

It was around 19:00hrs on Tuesday, and for some obvious reasons, Zesco had loadshedded the entire part of the country I was in. I sat in my car at Levy Mall for quite a while, thinking through what I was about to do. Was I getting mad?

Maybe. 

I was trying so hard to calm myself down.

"Get hold of yourself, man.” I told myself while punching the steering wheel, which made the horn go off.

I drove from the car park in front of Stay Easy Hotel and parked near the NAPSA offices. Without a second thought, I got out of the car, crossed Church Road, and walked straight into Lusaka Central Police Station. Inside, the rechargeable fluorescent lights hummed like a jury of ghosts. 

The officer at the desk suspiciously looked up with his cigarette-stained lips twitching.

"What do you want?" he asked in a heavily accented Nyanja. Like the one spoken in western province and Livingstone. This is common only among police officers.

"I killed a man," I said. "His name was Oliver Phiri."

He squinted, waiting for the punchline. When none came, he leaned back in his chair, creaking like an old gallows. 

"Go on."

I repeated what I had said.

He screamed for his friend who was in the back office to come and listen to my hallucinations. This other officer looked younger and more like he would have loved to be somewhere else interesting, maybe on the beaches of Samfya sipping a cold Mosi, than on this particular night shift. 

He told me to remove the shoes, belt, got everything I had in my pockets including the car keys and threw me in the police cells. 

"You will spend your night in the cold police cells for wasting government's time," He bellowed. 

The following day was engulfed in a whirlwind of nothing but interrogations by different police officers. Some were in groups, others were alone and still others were just absent when it was their turn to tango with me. They reluctantly charged me with some crime but needed more evidence to build a strong case and avoid a nolle prosequi. 

I was stuck with the same message and I repeated it over and over. I even explained that I'd show them the grave where I buried the remains, but they all didn't believe me. The cops, the forensics team, and the prosecutor all concluded that I was just wasting their time as they couldn't find any leads on a certain Oliver Phiri that I was telling them that I had killed. The recommendation was that I needed a psychiatric evaluation at Chainama Hills Hospital. 

Unbeknownst to me, one police officer decided to video my questioning and plastered it on social media. Must have been one of these phone adictated Gen Zs. Mainstream and social media called it a nonsensical stunt. My coworkers claimed it validated their suspicions of my going through a midlife crisis. My own mother sent a voice note on WhatsApp.

“You need help. My pastor is willing to come and pray for you.”

But the truth was simple: I killed a man. He was an insufferable chain smoker, he screamed at the helpless and slept in the stench of alcohol and self-loathing. Why do we even mourn bad people when they die? I am supposed to be receiving the Grand Commander of the Order of Freedom Award from the president. The dead guy was unempathetic, domineering, selfish, self-absorbed and aggressive. 

The murder happened slowly. I starved him of his vices, cut off his air and smothered his excuses. I buried him piece by piece, and when the last of him withered, I went to his house and scraped every trace of him.

His autopsy would read 'death by reinvention.' No fingerprints, no DNA – just the quiet obliteration of a life that deserved to die. No headstone marks his grave, but I'll never forget the epitaph in case I will ever have a change of heart: "Here lies a wrong that was righted."

"Don't judge me for killing a man," I tell anyone that judgingly stares at me. You wouldn't understand unless you've stood in the ashes of your own funeral, breathing deeper than ever before and desquamation taking place. 

I, Oliver Phiri, put ink to paper for posterity to judge me that I killed a man. And this man was the old me.