The Duplicitous Whispers Of The Patriarchy

I interpret the age old adage that ‘behind every successful man is a woman’ as reinforcing regressive gender stereotypes, positing a woman’s role as ancillary to male achievement rather than the pursuit of autonomous aspirations. Throughout generations, the adage has been systematically eroded by patriarchal subterfuge, surreptitiously appending the corrosive codicil: provided she remains perpetually in his shadow. What originated as a well-intentioned acknowledgement of women’s contributory roles has degenerated into a pernicious social doctrine, conditioning men to equate personal worth with the suppression of female ascendancy. Should a woman surpass male counterparts in fiscal achievement, intellectual rigour, or domains historically monopolised by masculine prerogative, the prevailing response seldom embodies enlightened approbation. Rather, it frequently engenders a visceral insecurity wherein patriarchal conditioning conflates parity with impotence, thereby calcifying regressive dynamics that suffocate mutual progression and erode relational equanimity.

Distressingly, these patriarchal distortions have permeated female psyches with commensurate detriment. Certain women, themselves products of systemic indoctrination, may erroneously construe constructive critique or divergent perspectives as existential challenges to authority or covert assertions of dominance. Such misinterpretations often precipitate disproportionate reactions, inadvertently reinforcing the hierarchical structures they purportedly oppose. Herein lies patriarchy’s Janus-faced deception: it ensnares men in the fallacy that virility is contingent upon unassailable supremacy, whilst inculcating women with the toxic axiom that their luminosity must never eclipse male counterparts. This corrosive ideology, rooted in zero-sum hierarchies rather than collaborative symbiosis, reduces human connections to transactional contests where affection is quantified through crude metrics of income, volume, or physical stature.

Yet we must confront the existential query: what becomes of societies enthralled by this delusion of dominance? The consequences manifest with sobering clarity – atrophied potential, ruptured kinship, and collective existence perpetually half-realised. Authentic fortitude resides not in trepidation of feminine excellence but in its wholehearted embrace – not as adversarial challenge, but as revelatory prism through which our shared humanity gains sharper focus. No woman should endure the existential vandalism of clipped wings, stifled ambitions, or success diminished through reductive gendered lenses. Societal evolution demands we dismantle the pernicious myth of finite triumph – that one individual’s ascension mandates another’s decline. Let achievement be reimagined as communal vista rather than gendered conflict; behind every flourishing soul should resonate a symphony of voices, unshackled by spatial hierarchies, whether standing adjacent, ahead, or wherever illumination beckons.

All has been said and here is the crystallization of my paradigm: whilst enlightened men celebrate feminine potency as complementary rather than competitive, those shackled by fragile self-concept inevitably perceive assured women as existential threats. Crucially, such disquiet seldom reflects upon the woman herself, but rather unveils the tremulous foundations of a masculinity constructed upon archaic delusions of inherent superiority.

 

The Unprosecuted Murder

It was around 19:00hrs on Tuesday, and for some obvious reasons, Zesco had loadshedded the entire part of the country I was in. I sat in my car at Levy Mall for quite a while, thinking through what I was about to do. Was I getting mad?

Maybe. 

I was trying so hard to calm myself down.

"Get hold of yourself, man.” I told myself while punching the steering wheel, which made the horn go off.

I drove from the car park in front of Stay Easy Hotel and parked near the NAPSA offices. Without a second thought, I got out of the car, crossed Church Road, and walked straight into Lusaka Central Police Station. Inside, the rechargeable fluorescent lights hummed like a jury of ghosts. 

The officer at the desk suspiciously looked up with his cigarette-stained lips twitching.

"What do you want?" he asked in a heavily accented Nyanja. Like the one spoken in western province and Livingstone. This is common only among police officers.

"I killed a man," I said. "His name was Oliver Phiri."

He squinted, waiting for the punchline. When none came, he leaned back in his chair, creaking like an old gallows. 

"Go on."

I repeated what I had said.

He screamed for his friend who was in the back office to come and listen to my hallucinations. This other officer looked younger and more like he would have loved to be somewhere else interesting, maybe on the beaches of Samfya sipping a cold Mosi, than on this particular night shift. 

He told me to remove the shoes, belt, got everything I had in my pockets including the car keys and threw me in the police cells. 

"You will spend your night in the cold police cells for wasting government's time," He bellowed. 

The following day was engulfed in a whirlwind of nothing but interrogations by different police officers. Some were in groups, others were alone and still others were just absent when it was their turn to tango with me. They reluctantly charged me with some crime but needed more evidence to build a strong case and avoid a nolle prosequi. 

I was stuck with the same message and I repeated it over and over. I even explained that I'd show them the grave where I buried the remains, but they all didn't believe me. The cops, the forensics team, and the prosecutor all concluded that I was just wasting their time as they couldn't find any leads on a certain Oliver Phiri that I was telling them that I had killed. The recommendation was that I needed a psychiatric evaluation at Chainama Hills Hospital. 

Unbeknownst to me, one police officer decided to video my questioning and plastered it on social media. Must have been one of these phone adictated Gen Zs. Mainstream and social media called it a nonsensical stunt. My coworkers claimed it validated their suspicions of my going through a midlife crisis. My own mother sent a voice note on WhatsApp.

“You need help. My pastor is willing to come and pray for you.”

But the truth was simple: I killed a man. He was an insufferable chain smoker, he screamed at the helpless and slept in the stench of alcohol and self-loathing. Why do we even mourn bad people when they die? I am supposed to be receiving the Grand Commander of the Order of Freedom Award from the president. The dead guy was unempathetic, domineering, selfish, self-absorbed and aggressive. 

The murder happened slowly. I starved him of his vices, cut off his air and smothered his excuses. I buried him piece by piece, and when the last of him withered, I went to his house and scraped every trace of him.

His autopsy would read 'death by reinvention.' No fingerprints, no DNA – just the quiet obliteration of a life that deserved to die. No headstone marks his grave, but I'll never forget the epitaph in case I will ever have a change of heart: "Here lies a wrong that was righted."

"Don't judge me for killing a man," I tell anyone that judgingly stares at me. You wouldn't understand unless you've stood in the ashes of your own funeral, breathing deeper than ever before and desquamation taking place. 

I, Oliver Phiri, put ink to paper for posterity to judge me that I killed a man. And this man was the old me.

Power Doesn’t Corrupt. People Do!

I saw a news item claiming to be from Petauke the other day, where farmers were putting stones and sand in the middle of bags of crop produce to increase their weight as they sold them to authorities. Subtle indicators of selfishness are everywhere, allowing us to extrapolate how and why people behave this way when they get into leadership positions.

How can we expect our leaders not to be corrupt in a society where we, the people, are generally corrupt? This is a question we need to ponder as we grapple with our current societal problems. 

In the words of RJ Rushdoony, there can be no good character in civil government if there is none in the people. You cannot make a good omelet with bad eggs.

Leadership reflects society’s character. You cannot have a morally upright government in a society where the people are not morally upright. Who constitutes a government at the end of the day? Is it not the people of that society?

Zambians ought to reconcile with our true character. Doing so will help us better understand why we have such a leadership crisis in our country. We’ve turned drainage, roads, and any other space into garbage dumps. People want to set up businesses anywhere, but they also don’t want to put up toilets or clean and safe water sources. We have a people that are exceptional in reminding everyone of their rights but are mute on their social responsibility and accountability.

A lot of traffic jams are caused by people who have an inherent belief that they’re superior to others. This is displayed in their refusal to yield or follow traffic flow. During rush hour, we see people driving on pavements and in wrong lanes. Someone will feel that their vehicle is going to a grinding halt, but they wait until the vehicle stops in the middle of the road, thereby causing traffic.

Indeed, the same citizens who criticize government officials for using bribery to purchase votes do not hesitate to offer bribes to guards in shopping malls just to park in disabled spots. The same people who denounce nepotism in government are the first to hire friends, family members, and relatives when they open businesses. Health professionals may lament the embezzlement of state funds in health, but many are comfortable helping themselves to drugs and medical supplies meant for impoverished sick people.

In their defense, critics might argue that "power corrupts people." While their evidence may seem irrefutable, this sentiment is misleading and shifts responsibility from real people onto abstract concepts like power. Power doesn’t corrupt people. Rather people with corrupt tendencies assume positions of power. The actions of corrupt people in power are a continuation and amplification of their normal behavior in society. I call it the law of conservation of corruption.

Now that we have established the root cause of these ills, the questions we must answer are where do we go from here? What factors have contributed to these challenges becoming the country’s original sins? Additionally, what social and cultural obstacles continue to impede the country’s advancement? 

These issues are not fundamentally insurmountable. Therefore, it is essential to consider the necessary elements that could contribute to a viable solution. We need to actively work towards constructing a moral society, where moral standards that uphold ethical conduct are strictly enforced and valued. Put differently, we need to begin building a society where it is deemed wrong to jump queues or throw trash out of the window of your car, and not seen as normal. 

Correcting societal ills begins with each and every one of us. If we can work on shaping our moral character as a people, the quality of leadership in government will improve over time. As postulated by Joseph de Maistre, every country has the government it deserves. 

Nothing occurs by happenstance.

Don’t Get Stuck On That Station

In the 2000s, I was doing a diploma in forestry at Zambia Forestry College in Kitwe. My peers had concocted a story that I was using a train to travel to and from college to my home in Chongwe, thanks to my notorious late night travels. Sometimes, I'd arrive as late as past 22:00hrs and friends would wait for me at Kamfisa Turn Off. 

There was this one time, school closed as usual, and I got on a Mitsubishi Rosa bus from the famous Kitwe Main Bus Station, aka KMB. I still wonder why they called it KMB instead of KMBS! Anyway, when I boarded the bus, which was almost full and ready to depart by my assessment, something strange started happening. The other passengers who I found began disappearing one by one. Instead of getting fuller, the bus was getting emptier. 

To cut a long story short, the bus started off at 13:00 hours even when I got into at around 08:00hrs and moved at a snail's pace, arriving in Lusaka close to 21:00 hours. At each new station, passengers would get on and off the bus. Some would stay for just a few stops, while others would ride on.

After getting dropped off at Stenley Bar, I jumped on one of those late Chelstone buses. To the uninitiated, there are two important things to note here: first, Stenley Bar was the only place where buses would drop and pick up passengers after a certain time. Secondly, most passengers including drivers on those late bus rides would be drunk for some reason. And this bus was no exception.

There are two types of people who are naturally humorous: drunk people and kids. And there are three types of people who are likely to speak the truth: drunk people, kids, and angry people. So, the cohort I found myself with was intersecting between honesty and humor. This ride was hilarious and laced with some truth.

When I arrived at the Chi Tank Bus Station, I dropped off and ran down the Great East Road to the Chongwe Bus Station. I found an old Toyota DCM (aka Toyota Dyna Clipper) bus loading, which was headed to Feira in Luangwa. Since it didn't have the aesthetics and had a lot of fish baskets, I didn't get on this one and hoped for the next bus that would come.

After the DCM left, a Toyota Camry driven by a man in military fatigue pulled up. He was alone, and that I didn't trust much. 

In those days, rumors circulated about serial killers roaming free, murdering people and removing their hearts. But that wasn't the strangest part - the rumour claimed that these killers would then use the harvested hearts as bait for sharks. The supposed reasoning behind this gruesome act was that sharks allegedly had precious stones inside them, making them a prized target. It's a ridiculous and chilling tale that doesn't make any sense in retrospect.

Anyway, since I couldn't confirm the validity of those rumors, prevention was definitely better than cure. So, I lied that I was waiting for someone and declined the offer.

Then, vehicles stopped stopping and buses were nowhere to be seen. I checked the time on my Nokia 5210, and it was almost 23:00 hours. I panicked and called a friend who stayed with his sister in Garden Compound. He was cool with me spending the night. I got on a bus to town, dropped off at Zesco HQ, crossed the Great East Road and got on a bus to Garden Compound on Makishi Road. Luckily, I found friend waiting for me when I dropped off from the bus. God bless his soul. I spent the night and only traveled to Chongwe the following day.

Thinking through those events that happened at Chelstone Bus Station. I was waiting for a better transport but I didn't have a clue how it would look. Don't get stuck on that station for the bus which won't be coming. Hop onto that seemingly ugly DCM bus. As long as it moves, it will surely take you to your destination. Get into the Camry and hear this military man’s story. Talking to new people always opens up to new experiences and opportunities.

Nothing is guaranteed in life. Thus, approach life with a sense of flexibility, openness and humility, recognizing that uncertainty is an inherent part of the human experience.

When one fails to seize the moment, one risks stagnating in personal and professional growth. It's like being stuck in a rut, but instead of a rut, it's a comfy, cozy couch that's slowly sucking the life out of you. You'll look back and think, "I wish I had taken that chance or pursued that passion project." 

The consequences of not taking advantage of situations can be severe. You might experience a bad case of "what ifs" and "if onlys," which can lead to regret and a nagging sense of "I could've been a contender!" Throw your hat in the ring now. 

Tick, tock. Be aware of the precious and fleeting nature of time. As I waited on that station, time passed relentlessly and regardless of my circumstances that night. 

Don't let fear, doubt or complacency hold you back from capitalizing on favorable circumstances. Growth happens outside of the comfort zone and sometimes one needs to take a leap of faith to achieve goals and reach the full potential.

Don't get stuck on that station. Keep moving, keep growing, and always be open to new experiences and opportunities. Sometimes, the best option is the one right in front of you. In 2025, go ahead, take the leap and see where it takes you. Godspeed!!! 

It Takes a Child to Raise a Village

Reflecting on my journey in a Zambian family is like flipping through an bale of salaula where you are likely to find some of the best designer clothes and also some of the most useless things ever sent to the Land of Work and Joy.

The most influential forces in my life have undoubtedly been women. If we liken life to a football match (and as an ardent Real Madrid fan, everything is football), women have played the role of midfielders – masterfully controlling the game’s flow with their wisdom and occasionally scoring those banger goals like Federico Valverde that change everything. My mother’s endless sacrifices taught me resilience and from all these remarkable women around me, I learned that soft power often strikes harder than any physical blow. However, when you become stubborn, they will show how their power can be ruthless, raw and adulterated. For example, when Mrs Ahab (aka Jezebel) heard what (The Mighty) Elijah had done, she vowed to kill him within 24 hours. Elijah - the man who was able to rain down fire from heaven - was terrified of a woman and fled into the desert.

Back to football.

It’s strange that I cannot play football that well despite being a fan of it, besides wrestling of course. My passion for Real Madrid has been both exhilarating and exasperating. It has driven my ambitions sky high and sparked an impatient hunger for success while also making me somewhat impatient. After all, how can one not develop an urgent attitude when your favorite club can dismiss coaches faster than the way Zambian politicians turn against their own campaign promises? This impatience has seeped into my daily interactions. Who has time to wait when every moment feels like an intense rivalry against Barcelona? I joke, I joke. I am seriously working on this.

My growing up was truly an experience shaped by community living. The adage “it takes a village to raise a child” isn’t just rhetoric here but a reality. Neighbors acted as surrogate parents who would beat you up for what they perceive as a misbehavior. In those days, even though parents were a child's primary caregivers, a family did not exist in a vacuum. Social connectedness was defined as those subjective psychological bonds that people experienced in relation to others. I grew up in a community where even shopkeepers seemed to know your personal affairs better than you did yourself. This communal upbringing instilled in me an unwavering belief in humanity’s inherent goodness. Time after time, I’ve witnessed acts of kindness that left me humbled and convinced that people are fundamentally good at heart. Circumstances - I believe - turn people into monsters. However, my faith in humanity remains steadfast, much like my belief that Real Madrid will clinch yet another Champions League title.

However, the saying “it takes a village to raise a child” now often carries an ironic tone because. While family and friends might visit new parents with gifts to see the baby, there's less expectation that they will contribute to the child's discipline or upbringing. We've become increasingly individualistic. In response to this growing isolation, we've seen a rise in delinquency among the young and restless, as nature abhors a vacuum. Society stands on the precipice. As Chinua Achebe is quoted, first you must chase away the fox before you warn the hen against wandering into the bush. Before pointing fingers at poor parenting, we must take whatever steps necessary to save a children's life.

In reversing the roles, I would say that "it takes a child to raise a village." Bembas have a specific proverb on this, 'imiti ikula, empanga." Children are not only the catalyst for communal change and unity, but also inspire a village to improve, learn, and adapt. Their presence mobilizes adults to better themselves and the village's environment. This also reflect a commentary on the roles children play by reversing traditional dynamics where they lead adults to grow or where their needs shape community actions. Everyone is so fixated about leaving a better planet for their kids. Very noble. However, we must also have a similar fixation with leaving better kids for our planet. Any society that starts to take the wellbeing of children seriously, it will have to change so much that the wellbeing of everyone will be accommodated. It's a no brainer. 

As I conclude, my journey through life has been shaped by the vibrant tapestry of Zambian community life and the relentless passion for football. Despite the challenges posed by an increasingly individualistic society, the foundation laid by the collective wisdom and village continues to guide me. I pray to the Good Lord to help me contribute to a world where the village still helps raise the child. Ultimately, (and despite these quirks) my life (I think) has been enriched by countless lessons learned from relationships forged along this journey filled with an acquired passion for football and deep-rooted connections within the community fabric. If there’s one thing I've gleaned from all this, it’s that life is unpredictable like a Lusaka bus conductor.

A Brush with the Broadcast, Brew and History in 1997

On one sizzling morning of 28th October 1997, I woke up insanely early. My mission was to dash over to Chelstone Small Market, though for the life of me, I can't remember what I was supposed to fetch. Maybe it was the elixir of life, as my mum called it. She made it clear though, I had to be back before 09:00 AM sharp, just in time for school.

Going outside, everyone was glued to their radio as there was this man calling himself Captain Solo announcing that he had taken over the country. He even said he fired all the service chiefs and gave President Fredrick Chiluba up to 9:00hrs to surrender or face death. And he intended to form a Government of National Redemption.

My eyes widened like saucers. I ran back to tell my mum, but she was already listening with a frown on her face.

"Is Captain Solo like my school captain?"

I tried my luck at making light of the situation.

She just looked at me in disapproval and mumbled something about me liking to joke about serious situations.

In Kamanga compound back then, the news spread faster than a bushfire in the dry season. Mr. Phiri, who lived next door and loved his Band 2 radio more than his own family, was already out, shouting about the coup and adding colour commentary to it.

"There is a coup and Captain Solo has taken over the country. He claimed he has been told by an angel to cleanse the MMD government."

He bellowed, his voice echoing through the narrow streets.

Bana Pamuku, who sold fritters and cooked sweet potatoes at our school’s Zanzibar and used to show up at break time was passing going about her endevours without showing any uncertainty on her face like everyone else.

She ran past our house, shouting, "I’m late for the business today!"

She didn't even know if school would be open, but she ran like she was on a mission for Captain Solo himself.

Then there was Ba Tembo, perched on his rickety wooden stool like an owl and his back curved like the Alick Nkhata Flyover Bridge. He had his legs crossed in such a way that you'd think they were playing a game of Twister with themselves. In one hand, he cradled a cup of the local brew, they just used to call it ‘7 Days’ back then because it took 7 days to brew. Apparently. As he sipped, his eyes squinted with the delight of a man who's found the secret to eternal contentment, or at least to a good buzz. His face was caught in the morning sun, turning it into a mosaic of wrinkles and grins. Each sip seemed to tell a story, and if you listened closely, you could hear the legends of his youth, or perhaps just the satisfied slurp of a man enjoying his moment in the sun.

"Don't worry, this Solo character will be forgotten before I get drunk," he said. “I have seen this before in 1980, 1988 and 1990.”

As the clock got closer to 8:00 AM, everyone was talking, guessing, and some even planning, like it was a big football game to be commented by the son-father TagTeam of Dennis and Ponga Liwewe. But then, the radio crackled again. This time, it was a different man. With his voice stern, he said Captain Solo was caught, and President Chiluba was still in control of the country.

True to Ba Tembo's prophecy, by 9:00 AM the putsch had been quelled.

As expected, mum cancelled the initial plan of sending me to the market. It was actually for the better, as most offices and shops never opened on that day. Hadn't these people heard that the putschists were arrested and that the president said we should all go back to work? I wondered. Maybe we all just needed the day off, just to reset.

Food For Thought

Kennedy Chanda stumbled back home, reeking of something that could only be combination of Kachasu, Chibuku and tujilijili. He was humming a beat of Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal only that he would become inaudible when singing the vocals. Whatever he remembered in his grey matter, he burst out laughing in the midst of the song. 

His brain brain was clearly multitasking as it also needed to coordinate and balance the walking despite the alcohol affects on the cerebellum. Sometimes he would stand still for what seemed like days, swaying from side to side like a reed in the Kafue River, as he waited for the brain to reconfigure the movements and the tempo in his steps. 

It was clear he had a great time out with friends: drinking, clowning and jiving. 

When he reached home, his wife, greeted him with a warm smile and a steaming hot plate of nshima, Zambia's most sacred dish. He devoured the meal like he was about to die, savoring every bite. Especially the flavorful relish made from dried pumpkin leaves and what he thought was small fresh fish.

"Ah, you've outdone yourself, my dear!" Mr. Chanda exclaimed amidst his gulps of water as he washed down the meal.

"This relish is just like my mother used to make on the shore of Lake Mweru in Kashikishi. You've added the perfect touch with the small fresh fish!"

Mrs. Chanda's expression which started with smiles changed to confusion. 

"Small fish? I don't remember adding any fish to the relish. I only recall using pumpkin leaves and small pumpkins."

She de-strung a pile of pumpkin leaves, and cook them by simmering them with small tomatoes just for a few minutes until the leaves are tender and sumptuous. 

At least that’s what she remembered doing.

As they stood in stunned silence, the sound of crickets and the creaking of the old house seemed to provide a soundtrack to the suspense.

The couple exchanged skeptical glances. Mr. Chanda insisted he had tasted fish, while Mrs. Chanda swore she hadn't added any. 

Determined to resolve the dispute, Mrs Chanda rummaged through the house for some papers, pushed them on the fire which was almost going out, too a deep breath and blew it out on the papers that were now smoldering. 

Once lit, she carefully approached the pot, now empty except for a few lingering leaves. Peered inside whilst tilting it at about 45 degrees so that Mr Chanda can also see what was in the pot.

They gasped simultaneously.

Mr. Chanda shrieked. Huffed. Puffed. Covered his mouth. 

He felt the entire booze leaving his body instantly. "Oh no, I’ve just eaten a lizard!"

The small fresh fish was, in fact, a lizard – cooked to perfection – that had fallen into the pot from the eaves of their grass-thatched house. With his his inebriated antics now dissipated, Mr Chanda's thoughts were on the food he had just eaten.